You Are Not a Fraud
THE THINGS WE TELL OURSELVES
I am not a fraud.
Say those words out loud to yourself.
I am not a fraud.
How does that feel to say that? What part of your body relaxes when you say that?
It is a gut feeling. It is that truth that will relax the tension in your body. You deserve this. You earned this.
No matter what your mom, dad, brother, well meaning (or not well meaning) teacher said, you are not a fraud.
A DAILY WRESTLING MATCH
The feeling of being a fraud is something that I have to wrestle with on a daily basis. When I was younger, I wrote things down in little notebooks. When I wrote them down, I would never share them with anyone. I didn’t think that my thoughts had any merit, or that anyone would relate to them. So, away they would go into the already overstuffed drawer, never to be seen again. After all, they were just my thoughts. Why would anyone else care about them?
A TIME FOR CHANGE
Fast forward to 2018. In March, I was sitting in my car. A thought came to me. Just like the thousands of thoughts that roll through my head on a daily basis, I ignored it for a moment. But, this one was not to be ignored. I wrote it down. And, the ideas kept coming and coming, like a movie that was projecting on my phone note pad. I was downloading something from my mind that I didn’t even understand. This was not the first time that this type of thought came to me, but it was the first time that I allowed it out of me. I saw an idea floating through my brain. I grabbed it, and wrote it down immediately before it disappeared.
So it began. This resurfacing of a part of me that I had ignored for so many years. From that day in March, 2018 the thoughts and ideas have been pouring out of me in a manner that I have never experienced before. I write them down, whether they make sense or not. Then, when I get a moment I edit them, so that they are more coherent.
Out of this flood of ideas came the idea that these thoughts need to be organized in some coherent way. This is how my upcoming book came to be born. This book is the result of my transcribing the thoughts that have been given to me. I see this book as a vision that I see for the world. It is a very hopeful book, full of optimism and joy.
THERE IS ONLY ONE YOU
There are days when that optimism is not there. I go back into doubt. This is when my internal voice creates seeds of doubt. It says things like, “There are thousands of books out there about how people can get along better with each other. Why is yours different?” That’s a powerful argument. There is one big difference.
There is only one me.
That’s right. It’s that simple.
And, there is only one you.
This is huge. If you could fully embrace that fact, the fraud mentality would go away. The fraud mentality, is based on this false belief that you have to be some kind of expert before you can share yourself with the world. Essentially, you have to be perfect. All of your skills have to honed perfectly. You need to understand your mission completely. The end has to be clear.
CHANGING THE THINKING
Here are my thoughts on how you can engage with the fraud voice, and transform it into a voice of empowerment.
- Affirm to yourself that you have a gift.
- Be your own best cheerleader. On a regular basis, remind yourself of how wonderful you are.
3. Find someone you trust, and ask them how they see you.
4. Nurture your gift. If you are a writer, write. If you are a musician, practice. Whatever gift you discover, you must nurture it on a regular basis (daily if possible).
5. Find an outlet for your gift, and express it.
ONE MORE IMPORTANT POINT
One more important thing to remember. Being imperfect does not mean you are a fraud. It means that you are a human being. Human beings are messy. We are incomplete, and we are flawed. These flaws do not in any way mean that you are a fraud. It means you are human. You are beautiful, and you have gifts. The more you can embrace and love yourself just the way you are, the less you will feel like a fraud.
